I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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