i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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