she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
