she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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