do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
