he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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