Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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