Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
