She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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