he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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