I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
