I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize