He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
