my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
