i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
