I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I could fuck to npr.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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