I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dignity is for republicans.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
