A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
