if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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