you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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