Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
