some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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