Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
