i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
