The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
