I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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