Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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