I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
