My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
