He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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