I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
