are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
