Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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