I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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