If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
