Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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