I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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