I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
