I faked an abortion last night.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
