you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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