I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
