dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
