Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
