I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
