how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
