genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am one with the molecules
I still have a little drunk in my system
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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