so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
