watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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