do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
