Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
