so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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