Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
