as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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