we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i now understand why vodka
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
