Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
