My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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