shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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