There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
