You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
