I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
