I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
