Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
