WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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