She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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