question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
