i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
