i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
