you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
