So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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